The Hard Truth About Moving Abroad (And Why It’s Not as Scary as You Think)

When I first decided to move countries, I expected excitement. New places to explore, new cultures to experience, new opportunities waiting just beyond the airport gates. And yes… there’s plenty of that.

But what no one talks about is the other side of it. The messy, emotional, sometimes isolating truths that come with uprooting your entire life and planting yourself in unfamiliar soil.

If you’ve ever thought about making the leap - or if you’re in the thick of it right now - here are some of the things I wish someone had told me:

1. Distance changes friendships in quiet ways

When you move abroad, the distance isn’t just about miles or flight times. It’s about missed calls because you’re in different time zones. It’s about messages you mean to answer, but by the time you do, the conversation has moved on without you.

Some friendships will survive this. They’ll stretch across oceans, adapting to the new rhythm. Others… won’t. They fade without drama - just a slow drifting apart. And those heartfelt “I’ll come visit you!” promises? Most won’t happen, and that’s okay. You’ll learn to release the expectation.

2. You will miss more than you expect

Birthdays. Weddings. New babies. Funerals. The wins and losses that shape the people you love.

Instead of being there, you watch from afar - on Instagram stories, through FaceTime calls, or in group chats that ping while you’re asleep. It’s bittersweet: you’re happy for them, but the ache of not being there never fully disappears.

And it works both ways. When it’s your turn - when you land a new job, celebrate a milestone, or go through something hard - you’ll wish they were there in person. But the seats you hope they’d fill will stay empty.

3. Everyone assumes you’re thriving

From the outside, it looks like a dream. Your feed is full of sunsets, weekend trips, and cultural experiences. People back home think you’re “living your best life.”

But Instagram doesn’t show the loneliness of starting from scratch. It doesn’t capture the exhaustion of finding your place in an unfamiliar world. It doesn’t tell the story of how long it really takes to feel settled - or the days you wonder if you ever truly will.

And even if you try to explain, most people won’t fully get it.

4. Making friends as an adult is a whole new challenge

Making friends in your thirties is already tricky. Doing it in a brand new country, while you’re building a career, exploring unfamiliar streets, and trying to feel at home? That’s another level entirely.

In some cultures, work comes first, and friendships are built on what you can offer, not who you are. But there’s hope: if you look long enough, you’ll find your people. For me, it was people who’d made big moves too - from other countries or just other states - who understood what it’s like to start over somewhere new.

5. You’ll always have a little “what if” in you

No matter how long you’ve been gone, a part of you will always wonder what life would be like if you’d stayed.

But it’s important to realise that it would probably be the same life you’d already outgrown. And in exchange for the comfort of the familiar, you would have missed out on the lessons, adventures, and friendships that now shape you.

The bittersweet beauty of it all

Moving countries is a contradiction. It’s lonely and liberating. Exhausting and exhilarating. Heartbreaking and heart-expanding - sometimes all in the same week. You will lose some things. You will gain others. And if nothing else, you’ll discover just how much you can carry, not just in a suitcase, but in yourself.

Because in the end, moving abroad isn’t just about changing your address. It’s about changing who you are - and learning that you can survive the distance between who you were, and who you’re becoming.

And if I’ve learned one thing through it all, it’s this: nothing is ever as big or as scary as it seems before you take the leap. The fear you feel before a huge change is almost always bigger than the challenge itself.

Once you’re in it, you realise - step by step, day by day - that you’re more capable, more adaptable, and far braver than you thought.